For the past six years, whenever Father's Day has rolled around, I'm reminded more acutely than most other days of the year that my dad's dead.
He moved on to the next world on February 21st, 1999 in San Diego, CA. I was a junior at UC Irvine. I was thinking of him last night and shed tears while I lay on my bed. Sometimes I feel like he left too soon. There is nobody in my remaining family I can look to for real guidance.
I've been searching for other father figures in my life. There's a few older men (i.e. Bob Gay, Adam Edgerly) at church I feel I can talk to. But I don't see them too often.
I think having a distant relationship with my father and then losing him when I was twenty has left a hole in me.
On 1/29/04 I wrote this in my blog (geocities.com/pye78):
"I feel like I need an older man to care about me. To be involved in my life. I need that type of strength."
I'm still searching. But I've come to accept there may never be one.
