A Year In Limbo (And Self-Examination)

In the past year:

I've worked as a sales representative (going door-to-door pitching Sparkletts Water to various businesses) for an advertising agency. I did that for two days (including a day of training).

I took a ten hour course to become a licensed undercover store detective. But I didn't get hired as one (at Marshalls) because my interviewer said I was overqualified.

I interviewed for a caption writing position in which I took a typing speed test (clocked in at 57 wpm, passing was 40) and a grammar exam. I called about a week later and the supervisor told me he looked at my resume and decided not to continue with my application.

I worked at Fry's Electronics for about a week. I quit and took classes to renew my teaching credential.

I currently work as a substitute. But it's not my calling. It's nobody's calling to be a substitute teacher. Just a job for people like me who need a source of income while they try to look for something more consistent with their dreams.

For me, it is going back to school. I know it will be an adventure. Being part of academia makes me come alive. There are few things more meaningful than exploring new worlds reading literature, and discovering the substance of my interior world through the medium of writing.

So what's next after grad school? I'm not certain. I just have to try to live an authentic life (hopefully without going broke) and find a profession that is intellectually stimulating, and makes use of my gifts.

Laker Spirit

There've been times when I've found myself questioning why I watch the Lakers. There've been times when it's felt like a waste of time, especially when they've gotten trounced by a team (e.g. the Blazers) and displayed little effort in the process.

But there are those other, redemptive moments. If you're a fellow Laker fan you know what I'm talking about. It's when the Purple and Gold play with spirit. It's when they scrap with high intensity. Case in point: after trailing by 19 points in the second quarter, Kobe Bryant ignited a rally that included a few spectacular plays off the glass and eventually led to an 8 point victory.

One of the plays, in which Gary Payton lobbed the ball off the glass as Kobe came sailing in for a slam dunk, was absolutely riveting. The subsequent roaring of the crowd only added to the moment.

This is my justification for watching the Lakers. They seem to have the power to thrill me.

It Spoke To Me

I was at Barnes and Nobles (Huntington Beach) after work reading Dime Magazine and came across a story about Jamal Crawford, a young, rising NBA star who plays for the Chicago Bulls.

I learned Crawford has had his share of trials and hardships, not the least of which was having his playing eligibility at Michigan stripped from him because of some violation of a cryptic NCAA rule. He was also deemed the future point guard of Chicago, but the following summer watched with shock as his team used the number two pick to draft Jay Williams, a touted phenom (also a point guard) from Duke. He walked out that day on coaches and teammates who were watching along with him at a Bulls facility and didn't return until training camp.

Crawford is currently the top scorer on his team, averaging 16.8 points per contest. But it is unclear, because of future off-season management decisions, whether he will remain in the windy city after this year.

Asked to explain the hardships he has experienced in his life, Crawford, twenty-four, said: "I know God has a plan for me. He has a plan for everybody. I just know I'll come out on top. I've been through a lot of adversity. But he knew what was going to happen, and why it happened."

For some reason these words stayed with me as I left the bookstore and headed home. Until recently, I was at a low point in my life, in terms of the direction of my career (wasn't sure what I wanted to do). I will be returning to school in June, after a two year hiatus, to earn a master's degree. And I know, at least for now, I want to pursue a career in written communication.

Like Crawford, I also have the feeling one day I will come out on top. I can't really explain it, except that I feel I 've worked too hard on my craft to end up not finding a place for it somewhere in the professional world.

Graduate School

I'm secretly ecstatic about going to grad school. I used to think teaching high school was my calling, but my outlook has radically changed the past few months. I'm not completely sure teaching suited me. I'm an introvert by nature and didn't particulary thrive off constant interaction with high-energy teenagers (I did have my good days, though they were few and far between).

My main reasons for pursuing an advanced degree are for personal enrichment and more career opportunities. I can sincerely say I love the study of literature and want to make it a part of my livelihood.

I've been reading a book called Great Jobs For English Majors. It has reaffirmed my belief in the value of an English degree. English has a history of being one of the earliest majors in the middle-class American college tradition. And its emphasis on the disciplines of learning to read, write, and appreciate literature in many forms makes it valuable. English is timeless, has broad applications, and contains infinite pathways for exploration.

At the graduate level, a student is given significant autonomy in pursuing his studies. And the faculty stay aware of and are involved in the academic progress of their students.

I couldn't ask for more.